The Spirit is Willing, but the Flesh is Stronger

If there was ever an image that could accurately describe the powerful hold that pornography holds on men (and women), this is it:

Its one that I stumbled upon in the realms of social media, where I follow of a couple of nerd art groups.

It immediately grabbed me, both on a visceral and spiritual level.

I will speak in generalities here, but I firmly believe I am very close to the mark on this one.

Men cannot stop staring at her. We are at once enraptured and ashamed to be seen looking at her.

We know she is evil, that she is far from good for us.

But we cannot look away.

She is composed to display the utmost in desirability and temptation.

We desire her. We do not even notice the other men she has already enslaved, even though they surround her.

Even within the midst of their bondage, they still seek her out. The "pleasure" is worth the pain.

She calls at men at a deep and instinctual level. There is nothing "rational" about it. Men would give even their very lives and livelihood to be with her.

For women (generally), she enrages and belittles.

• How could a wife even hope to measure up to or compete with her? Her "perfection" only makes another woman's "imperfections" and insecurities more pronounced.

• What kind of men allow themselves to fall for her? How dare these men even consider her, can't they see what she's doing? Is that all men think about???? Its degrading!

• And there are much more important concerns than sex. Bills need to be paid, houses need to be kept, children need to be taken care of. Why can't men focus on those things first????

Notice that the reactions are completely different. Males are "wired" one way, and females are "wired" differently. We act differently, and we think differently.

So it should not be surprising that males cannot think like females. Its not that males don't want to, they're just not wired that way. It's like asking a toaster oven to think or act like a microwave.

No, it makes no "sense" for us (speaking as a man) to desire her. What do we see in her? At our basest, we see a  woman who is voluptuously made and, at least the first time around, will offer no excuses why she can't have sex with us. In fact, she will not deny us any kind of sex. Sex without limits, and we will be the center of attention.

She will tell us how wonderful we are (and yes, she will be lying), and we will eat it up.

We will float on a pleasure cruise to our own destruction.

Obviously, this is such a large topic that I will have to serialize this and work in parts, but I plan to address both the Male and the Female aspects, with a focus on the Image of God, of which you need both to have His full Image.

But I will end this with questions, one for the Men (Husbands), and one for the Women (Wives).

Men: We have a deep desire to rescue and defend our women. We'll protect them from the most dangerous of events and conditions, but will we defend them from the day to day mundane events of the day?

Women: It is right that you, as a wife, should be your man's only sexual outlet. However, are you actually prepared to be his only outlet?

We'll address the Men in the next entry.

"Meddle Not in the Affairs of Dragons.....

"....for thou art crunchy, and good with ketchup." - Anonymous.

I think two conditions that we as human beings get confused about are "loneliness" and "solitude".

Both require us to be separated from other people. However, one is detrimental to us, while the other is beneficial.

We're all well acquainted with loneliness, from not fitting in during high school because we didn't wear the right clothing to being the odd-man-out in a room full of couples.

But this is harder. Its more than "you don't get to sit at the cool kids' table". Its the "Nobody wants you."

Be Cool Or Be Cast Out!

At heart, the message we are telling ourselves is that we are not worthy or good enough. We lack the capacity to be a proper human being.

"The world would be better off without me."

All of us want recognition and validation.

Validation is especially important if you are unsure of who you are. 

Then, to validate and recognize you, allow me to remind you of exactly who you are:

• "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14 (Made by God)

• "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children." Eph. 5:1 (Child of God)

• "No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you." John 15:15 (Friend of God)

• "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him." Rom. 8:16-17 (Heir of God)

I think we are starting to get a picture here. You are FAR from "worthless".

"But why don't I have a better job? A better house? A better car or truck? A better life? "

In other words, why can't I be one of the Joneses? Or Kardashians? Everyone else seems to have more things or better lives than I do!

Allow me to submit to you that this may be God's way of protecting you from a lot of heartache.

Consider the following:

"In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8 

What if, God is actually protecting you from that Rat Race? What if He gives you everything you really need, but not what you think you want?

All of the fighting, sniping, gossiping, back-stabbing, politicking, etc, is NOT your problem.

While the Joneses are doing everything to get more and destroy others, you are blessed and content with what God has given you, with the knowledge that He will continue to provide.

Consider also that we are to be a "Peculiar People" (1 Peter 2:9 KJV), meaning "set apart".

This separation from the "rest of the world" is the essence of Solitude.

We need this time alone with God to rest and recharge. To enjoy His Presence and His Creation.

We also enjoy His Protection and His approval simply because of His Son and His Grace.

Our value comes from The Father, not from the world.  Matthew 6:25 says "Do not worry about what you will eat, or what you will drink, or what you will wear...".  The Father provides us with these things, but He gives us so much more. He gives us Purpose. He gives us Meaning. He created us for a reason, and how blessed we are when we obediently follow His Will.

We're a lot less crunchy that way.

When The Bottle Wins.

UPDATED to better reflect.

This is honestly the feeling I get in my pastoral work sometimes.

Especially in marital counseling.

You'll work with a couple, ministering to them with love, patience, and a LOT of prayer and Scripture.

And you'll see changes. Positive changes.

You'll talk to them about being "transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2), and how the "new has come; the old has passed away" (2 Corinthians 5:17).

And you will see growth and changes!

The couple you are talking to now is completely different from the couple you started with six weeks ago.

God is doing MIGHTY works in them.

And then, the Bottle.

Someone will fall into The Bottle and kill the entire process.

One twist off on a Sunday, when they could have been in the church that they professed their love for, when they could have been fishing, when they could have been doing a thousand other things in the world...

But, instead, they chose The Bottle.

The Bottle makes them angry, makes them mean and looking for an argument when their wife comes home from visiting family from out of town over the weekend.

The Bottle empowers them enough to pull a gun and threaten to kill someone.

The Bottle gets the Sheriff called on them, and then arrested for Family Violence.

The Bottle, in one fell swoop, takes away the marriage, the home, the job, everything.

The Bottle Wins.

This is true power of the Demon that is The Bottle.

The Bottle controls the person by making the person think he or she is in control.

How many recovering addicts have said "I'm in control, I can stop it when I need to"? They may have even been functioning addicts, being able to keep a job and keep the bills paid so they must be doing something right.

But, in the end, The Bottle always wins. The Bottle is in control.

When things are good, we can "control" it and feel even better. When things are bad, we "control" it just to feel better. We lose judgement, we become our own worst enemy.

We hurt and injure everyone and everything around us.

The Bottle is in control.

It seems senseless. That's because it is senseless. There is no rationality to it. This demon thrives on irrationality. It thrives on senselessness. It thrives on the deepest of selfishness, rendering the addict powerless to prevent it.

Some will talk of an "out-of-body" experience - watching themselves drink even as they scream inside to stop.  But they can't.

The Bottle is in Control.

It is ironic then that the best way to "control" this demon is to surrender.

Step One of any 12 Step program is to admit that you are powerless against the addiction and that that addiction has made your life unmanageable.

It is admitting that you don't really have control. In a sense, it is giving up control.

Step Two is to seek the help of a Higher Power. Actually, it is letting a Higher Power have control.

Coming before Jesus as you are and letting Him have control of everything from now on.

Its much easier said than done. 

And its not just limited to Alcohol. Drugs, Food, Sex, we all have an addictive personality to something.

And we are broken and imperfect enough to relapse. Repeatedly.

Yet, the Blood on the Cross still saves us. Repeatedly.

Even after the gun, the yelling, the arrest, the probably impending divorce, there is still The Cross.

Even Scripture says so:

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39 ESV)

Nothing that we do can get Jesus to stop loving us. Nothing that we do can get the Father to stop loving us. Not even The Bottle.

Jesus has this knack of raising things from the dead, even when He is four days "late".

And that is why I keep ministering. Because the Blood still Works, and so must I.

And I still love these people.

The Thorns of Boiling Frogs

"8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." 1 Peter 5:6-9 ESV

There is a strange question that we like to ask occasionally down here in Texas.

Question: How do you boil a frog?

Answer: Very slowly.

Its a bit absurd, but the logic goes like this:  you can't drop a frog in a pot of boiling water, because the frog will just immediately jump out. (Yes, I know you can put a lid on the pot, but just go along with this.)

So how do you boil the frog?  

You put the frog in a pot of lukewarm water, and slowly turn up the heat.  As the heat is slowly raised, the frog gets cozy and relaxed, even sleepy.  His will and strength leave him, so by the time he figures out somethings wrong, he's already being cooked.

Its a funny concept, but there is very serious warning in it: Don't get too comfortable.

As husbands, fathers, and as godly men, its very easy to get too comfortable.  And this is Satan's best weapon against us.

Generally speaking, no one wakes up one day and says "Hey, lets ruin my life today."  Satan does not normally make someone have an affair, become an alcoholic, become entangled in pornography, or become a drug addict in one day.  Godly men are too powerful for that.

So Satan tempts VERY slowly. The picture of the very little bikini at the supermarket checkout. The occasional drink. The little extra pain killer. The co-worker who seems to understand you like no one else does.

Little by little, we feel like we can control ourselves in these situation, and since we are "in control", we can stand a little more, and since this feels good, that must mean that more will feel even better! Bikini-less women, the extra drink, the stronger pain killer, the occasional "harmless" flirt.

These lead into pornography diminishing, or even replacing marital relations, an actual affair, or needing a number of stronger drinks or medications just to get through the day.

Then, one day, you wake up in the boiling pot.  A ruined marriage, in jail with a DWI/DUI. And you have to have more of the addiction just to feel numb.

Godly men fall victim to this all of the time. Satan uses our pleasures and desires to pull us down. Pornography (the personal thorn of yours truly) and affairs appeals to the basest of manly nature: sex and power. Substances start off by either numbing pain or increasing feelings of pleasure, but ultimately numb the addict to any feelings of happiness or pleasure.

And Satan has a field day because the Church likes to treat these issues like the elephant in the living room. "Aren't we good Christians because we're not like those people." 

But the very sad fact of the matter is that these issues are affecting families in our own churches all of the time.  Right now. Even pastors. Because pastors are men too.

None of us men are immune to the temptations and desires the world likes to send our way. It takes other men and Godly wives to help resisting the snares.  Even in Genesis 2, God makes this plain when He says "It is not good that you should be alone."

Men, drop the pride, and share the darkest parts of the heart, not only with God, but with your wife, and/or a trusted brother in Christ.

What you do in secret will be brought to the light (I think I've read that somewhere), and no matter how "victimless" it seems, someone is being affected.

PMV

Heard from the boy's room this afternoon...